My father has died
My father was 74 years old when he died this week. He was sick and tired, with too many things stacked against any hope of a healthy recovery. He went to sleep and didn’t wake up on Tuesday. I mourn him, I miss him. He was a good and kind man, but he was not without flaws.
My father was a casual racist. He would say things about minorities jokingly that twisted my guts. My mother and my one sister would say that he was a product of his generation, but that is bullshit. He knew I didn’t like that kind of language and he did it anyway.
My Father was not a good husband. He was too selfish, too much into his own needs and wants to ever understand what it was that he was missing when he wasn’t here. My mother divorced him after he was unfaithful one too many times.
My father missed nearly every major milestone of mine and my sister’s lives.
Do I blame him for my distrust of men? I don’t know. I simply know that he was not there to give me advice. There was a point when I was 15, he had been gone for months. I hadn’t seen him or spoken to him for so long that when I finally saw him again, I didn’t recognize him because he had grown a beard. I know he tried to make up for his lack of attention by buying things for us. Hollow trinkets and time spent not talking.
He remarried to a woman whose children were a part of my childhood that I despised. They were mean as children, caustic as adults. I can’t say the things I want to because I don’t need that kind of anger directed at me.
I want to say things at my father’s funeral that will make them hate me. I want to vent my anger at them for taking my father away I want to hate them for giving him the grandchildren that I wasn’t able to. I want to hate them for leaving me with nothing.
I will get no inheritance from my father, everything will go to his wife. I honestly don’t give a flying fuck about money, this isn’t about that. It is the lack of consideration for his biological children.
I lie and smile through clenched teeth at them. I seeth inside as I watch them make him their Poppy. He was my Dad! I will gladly never talk to that family again after the funeral.
Maybe it is irrational and maybe I will regret these thoughts. I don’t like this part of myself, even as I type this I am angry and bitter and selfish. I recognize that in myself. I know I should be a better person, but fuck it. My father died and I have a right to be angry.
Rape Culture in Politics
http://thinkprogress.org/health/2013/06/12/2141521/scott-walker-abortion-clinics-ultrasound/
I’ve had this thought going through my head the last few days after having read what happened in Texas over the attempt to ban abortions through adding insane regulations for the clinics. And I’ve also been thinking about all the laws getting passed in states where they want mandatory trans-vaginal ultrasounds before an abortion can be done.
I am becoming convinced that the only reason these Right-to-Birthers, I refuse to call them Right-to-Lifers, as they appear not to give a damn about what happens to those babies once they are born, are only passing these laws as a way to humiliate and intimidate women. They say that a trans-vaginal ultrasounds are the only way to possibly detect a fetus in the early stages of pregnancy. It is also the *only* way a woman could be shown the fetus before the abortion, therefore making the choice to abort said fetus that much more traumatic for the mother.
This procedure is invasive and, from what I have been told by women who have had it, it can be painful especially if the woman is under stress. This unnecessary medical procedure is also not going to be paid for by the state. No, the woman has to fork out her own money for something that the state government is mandating.
So not only is this a possibly painful, invasive, unwanted, and unnecessary, but the woman must also foot the bill, because I’m pretty sure that even if the woman does have health insurance, said insurance is not going to pay for a procedure that is UNNECESSARY.
The fact that these bill are being put forth by men is only the icing on a very ugly cake. Because if this were an actual legitimate health issue, women would be sponsoring these bills. So you take in the all the factors in this situation and add to that the hideously callous disregard that the most outspoken men in the Republican Party have shown to women when it comes to reproductive medicine. And the rights of women in general. I can only conclude that they have decided that any woman that wants an abortion needs to be raped by the government as punishment for their attempt to have any control over their lives.
And make no mistake, forcing a woman or a man to be penetrated against their will under the guise of a medical procedure, that again, is unwanted and unnecessary is government sanctioned rape.
The fact that this state representative can stand in the middle of his fellow reps and joke about it, and whine that his wife if pissed at him for what they are doing, is disgusting. He literally has no idea what he is even joking about. The fact that he can’t even say the words, means he is a coward.
In an era if radio talk show hosts, government officials, and even sports starts doing there best to blame the victims of sexual assault for what happened to them. In a time when slut shaming is at an all time high and the ignorance of one side of the issue is so publicly shown. The fact that the mainstream media is not screaming from the rooftops that this is yet another example of the underlying acceptance of a culture of rape as a way to silence and control women is disheartening.
Fic: Deeply Rooted Part one
Fandom: Supernatural with interactions with characters from the movie Stigmata
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, sequel
Pairing: Dean Castiel
Warnings: Blood, Gore, Violence, Foul Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Dark Imagery, Possible Blasphemous Imagery, Character Bashing.
Still in rough unbetaed form. All mistakes are mine, and trust me, there are a lot of them. I will clean it up once it is complete and post the entire story on Archive of Our Own.
Sequel to my story World Tree, series is now called Venator Vitae
Deeply Rooted
by Sorka
Naked NaNoWriMo 2012
If anyone is actually still following this I will be participating in the Naked NaNo again this year.
State of Denial
So apparently the Republicans think that women are foolish enough not to notice the dozens of laws that they are pushing through to make it harder for women to get proper healthcare. Like having a vagina and a uterus instead of a penis and a prostate makes us alien beings. Are they really so far removed from reality that they honestly think women don’t need proper health care? Do they really think that so long as the men get their prostate exams and their Viagra pills that nothing else matters?
One day the Republican White Male representatives are going to look around and see that no one else is with them, because they have managed to anger everyone that isn’t ‘one of them’.
Finished
My fanfiction Long and Lonesome Highway is done. They last chapter has been sent to beta and I just have to wait for that to get done. I’m sad that the process of writing the story is over, but I am so glad to be finished. I honestly don’t think I’be ever written anything this large before. *falls over*
LLH: Chapter 5 The Ever Winding Road
Title: The Ever Winding Road
Author:Sorka
Rating:R
Genre: Alternate Universe, Slash
Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Sam/Jessica
Spoilers: Everything up to and including parts of season 4
Warnings: violence, foul language, explicit sexual content
Word Count: 12000
Summary: In which some people talk, and other people listen. Secrets, Lies, and Video Tape.
Author’s Notes: This is a lot of dialog. Thank you to ![[info]](https://i0.wp.com/sorka42.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
bluelipsdoeeyes for the beta work. There will be one more chapter after this if all goes well.
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